Category: imibeherho

Hari umugani ukunze kuvugwa mu buzima bwa buri munsi ugira uti: “Iyo umugore adafite aho ajya, ashobora kwihanganira byinshi; ariko iyo amaze kugira ubushobozi bwo kwitunga, ibintu birahinduka.”

Bamwe bavuga ko umugore ufite akazi ke, amafaranga ye cyangwa umutungo we bwite adakunda kumara igihe kinini mu rugo rurimo amakimbirane. Iyo ibibazo bikomeye, ashobora gufata icyemezo cyo gutandukana kuko aba azi ko ashobora gukomeza ubuzima bwe n’abana be atagomba gutegereza ko umugabo ari we wenyine umubonera ibimutunga.

Ariko se koko amafaranga ni yo atuma umugore ahita ahukana?

Iyo nta bushobozi afite, kwihangana bishobora kuba ihitamo

Hari abagore benshi bashobora kuba batishimiye uburyo babana n’abagabo babo, ariko bagahitamo gukomeza kubana na bo kubera ko nta bushobozi bw’amafaranga bafite.

Umugore ashobora kwibaza ati: “Nintandukana n’uyu mugabo, abana nzabatunga nte? Nzajya he? Nzakodesha nte? Nzishyura amashuri y’abana nte?”

Ibi bibazo bishobora gutuma umuntu akomeza kuguma mu mubano utamushimisha.

Ntabwo buri gihe bivuze ko aba akunda amakimbirane cyangwa ko yemera ibyo akorerwa. Rimwe na rimwe aba ari uko nta yandi mahitamo abona.

Iyo atangiye kwigenga, imyumvire irahinduka

Iyo umugore atangiye kugira amafaranga ye bwite, akazi, ubucuruzi cyangwa undi mutungo umufasha kwibeshaho, ashobora kugira ikizere kirenzeho cyo gufata ibyemezo bikomeye.

Niba amakimbirane yo mu rugo amaze kuba menshi, ashobora gutangira gutekereza ati:

“Nshobora kwitunga. Kuki nakomeza kubaho mu buzima bunyababaza?”

Aha ni ho bamwe babona ko amafaranga ashobora kuba impamvu ituma umugore atongera kwihanganira ibintu yihanganiraga mbere.

Ariko hari itandukaniro rikomeye: amafaranga ashobora gutuma umuntu abona ko ashoboye gutandukana, ariko si yo yonyine ituma ashaka gutandukana.

Hari n’abagore bafite amafaranga bakomeza kubaka ingo zabo

Nubwo hari abagore bahitamo gutandukana iyo bamaze kwigenga mu by’amafaranga, si ko bimeze kuri bose.

Hari umugore ushobora kuba afite akazi ke n’amafaranga menshi ariko agakomeza kwihangana, akajya mu biganiro n’umugabo we, agashaka ubujyanama cyangwa agakora ibishoboka byose kugira ngo urugo rwe rukomeze.

Ku rundi ruhande, hari n’umugore udafite amafaranga menshi ushobora gufata icyemezo cyo gutandukana kuko amakimbirane amaze kurenga imbibi.

Bityo rero, ubushobozi bw’amafaranga bushobora kugira uruhare mu cyemezo, ariko ntabwo bugena buri gihe icyo umuntu azakora.

Ikibazo gikomeye si amafaranga gusa

Iyo abantu bavuga ngo “umugore ufite amafaranga ntihanganira umugabo”, hari ikintu bashobora kuba birengagiza.

Umugore ashobora kwihanganira ibibazo byinshi igihe yumva ko hari urukundo, kubahana no kugira ubushake bwo gukemura ibibazo. Ariko iyo ibyo byose bishize, ndetse amakimbirane akaba asigaye ari yo yonyine aranga urugo, amafaranga ashobora kumwongerera gusa ubushobozi bwo gufata icyemezo yari asanzwe atekereza.

Ni ukuvuga ko ikibazo atari amafaranga gusa.

Ikibazo gishobora kuba uburyo abashakanye bafata ibibazo byabo, uko bavugana, uko bubahana n’icyo buri umwe yiteguye gukora kugira ngo urugo rukomeze.

Umugore wigenga ntaba ashaka gusenya urugo

Hari imyumvire ivuga ko iyo umugore amaze kubona amafaranga, ahita ashaka gutandukana n’umugabo.

Ariko kuba umuntu ashobora kwitunga ntibivuze ko aba ashaka gusenya urugo.

Ahubwo bishobora kumuha ikintu gikomeye: amahitamo.

Iyo umuntu azi ko ashobora kubaho wenyine, icyemezo cyo kuguma mu mubano gishobora kuba gishingiye cyane ku rukundo, kubahana no kunyurwa, aho kuba ku gutinya ko atazabona uko abaho naramuka awuvuyemo.

Kandi ibi bishobora no kugira uruhare ku bagabo. Umugabo ufite ubushobozi bwo kwitunga ashobora na we gufata icyemezo cyo kuva mu mubano utamuhesha amahoro.

Ese amafaranga asenya ingo cyangwa aha abantu ubwisanzure?

Iki ni ikibazo gikwiye gutekerezwaho.

Amafaranga ashobora kuba intandaro y’amakimbirane mu ngo, ariko ashobora no kuba igikoresho gituma umuntu abona ubwisanzure bwo gufata icyemezo ku buzima bwe.

Hari ababona ko umugore umaze kubona ubushobozi bw’amafaranga atongera kwihanganira byinshi.

Abandi bakavuga ko atari amafaranga amutera gutandukana, ahubwo ko amafaranga amuha ubushobozi bwo kuva mu kibazo yari amaze igihe yihanganira.

Kandi hagati y’izi mpande zombi, hari ikibazo gikomeye buri muryango ukwiye kwibaza:

Ese umuntu agumana n’uwo bashakanye kubera ko amukunda, cyangwa kubera ko yumva nta handi yajya?

Mu kiganiro Ishya, abanyamakuru Aissa Cyiza, Cyuzuzo Jeanne d’Arc na Michèle Iradukunda (Michou) bagarutse ku ngingo ikunze kuvugisha benshi, aho baganiriye ku buryo hari abagabo bakunda gukabiriza ibyo bavuga ku mibonano mpuzabitsina n’uburyo biba bitandukanye n’ukuri kugaragara mu buzima bw’abashakanye cyangwa abakundana.

Aba banyamakuru basobanuye ko hari abantu bamwe bagira imyitwarire yo kwiyerekana nk’abafite ubushobozi budasanzwe mu mibonano mpuzabitsina, nyamara iyo bageze mu buzima busanzwe n’abo bakundana usanga ibintu bitagenda nk’uko baba babyiratana.

Bagaragaje ko gukoresha amagambo yo kwiratana cyangwa gukabiriza ubushobozi mu rwego rw’imibonano mpuzabitsina bidafasha kubaka umubano mwiza, ahubwo bishobora gutuma habaho kwitega ibintu bidashoboka, bikakurura kutanyurwa no kutizerana hagati y’abakundana.

Mu kiganiro cyabo, banagaragaje ko urukundo n’imibanire myiza bitubakira gusa ku mibonano mpuzabitsina, ahubwo bishingira cyane ku bwizerane, kubahana, kuvugana ukuri no kumenya ibyo buri wese akeneye.

Bashimangiye ko abantu bakwiye kwirinda kugendera ku nkuru cyangwa amagambo bavuga inshuti zabo cyangwa ku mbuga nkoranyambaga, kuko ubuzima bw’umuntu n’ubw’undi butaba bumeze kimwe. Icy’ingenzi ni uko abakundana baganira ku bibareba bo ubwabo aho gushingira ku byo bumva ahandi.

Aba banyamakuru banaboneyeho gusaba urubyiruko n’abubatse ingo kwirinda guha agaciro amagambo yo kwiyemera cyangwa amarushanwa ajyanye n’ubushobozi bwo mu buriri, kuko akenshi atubaka umuryango ahubwo ashobora kuwusenya.

Muri rusange, ubutumwa bwatangiwe muri iki kiganiro ni uko ukuri, ubwubahane no kuganira hagati y’abakundana ari byo bifasha kubaka umubano urambye kurusha kwiratana cyangwa gukabiriza ubushobozi umuntu yibwira ko afite.

Mu muryango nyarwanda, kwakira abashyitsi bifatwa nk’ikimenyetso cy’ubupfura n’ubuntu. Gusa hari abagore benshi bahitamo kwanga kwakira abashyitsi, atari uko batabakunda, ahubwo kubera ko bumva inzu babamo idasa neza cyangwa idafite ibikoresho bihagije. Ibi bishobora gutuma babaho bahorana ipfunwe ndetse bakirinda gusurwa.

Abahanga mu mitekerereze ya muntu bavuga ko abantu benshi bakunda kwigereranya n’abandi. Iyo umuntu abonye inshuti cyangwa abavandimwe bafite amazu meza, ibikoresho bihenze cyangwa imitako igezweho, ashobora gutangira kumva ko iwe hadakwiye kwakira abantu. Uko kwigereranya gushobora gutuma yitakariza icyizere.

Hari abagore bavuga ko bahora bahangayikishijwe n’ibyo abashyitsi bazatekereza nibagera mu rugo rwabo. Bashobora kwibaza niba bazaseka intebe zashaje, inkuta zikeneye gusigwa irangi cyangwa ibikoresho bike bafite. Uwo mutwaro wo gutinya gucirwa urubanza ushobora gutuma bahitamo kwanga kwakira umuntu uwo ari we wese.

Hari n’igihe ikibazo kiba gifitanye isano n’ubukungu. Imiryango imwe iba itarabasha kubona amafaranga yo kuvugurura inzu cyangwa kugura ibikoresho bigezweho. Kubera iyo mpamvu, bamwe bumva bakwiye kubanza “gutungana” mbere yo gutumira abantu, nyamara imyaka igashira batarigeze babikora.

Ariko se koko inzu nziza ni yo ituma umushyitsi yishima? Akenshi igisubizo ni oya. Abashyitsi benshi bashimishwa no kwakiranwa urugwiro, guhabwa amazi cyangwa icyayi no kuganirizwa neza kurusha kureba sofa ihenze cyangwa imitako yo mu rugo. Urukundo n’ubwubahane ni byo bituma uruzinduko rwibukwa neza.

Abahanga mu buzima bwo mu mutwe banagaragaza ko guhora uhangayikishijwe n’ibyo abandi batekereza bishobora gutera umuntu guhangayika bikabije (anxiety) ndetse bikamutandukanya n’inshuti n’abavandimwe. Iyo umuntu atakigira uwo yakira cyangwa ngo asurwe, ashobora kugenda aba wenyine kandi bikagira ingaruka ku mibereho ye.

Ni ngombwa kandi kumenya ko nta rugo rutunganye. N’abafite amazu meza cyane hari ibyo baba bifuza kongeramo cyangwa kuvugurura. Gutegereza ko ibintu byose biba bitunganye mbere yo kwakira abashyitsi bishobora gutuma umuntu atazigera abikora.

Abagore bafite iyo myumvire bashobora gutangira buhoro buhoro, bakakira inshuti za hafi cyangwa abo mu muryango batinya gake. Ibi bishobora kubafasha kongera icyizere no kubona ko abantu benshi baza babasanga, atari ukuza gusuzuma inzu yabo.

Mu gusoza, agaciro k’urugo ntikapimwa n’ubwiza bw’inkuta cyangwa ibikoresho birimo, ahubwo gapimwa n’urukundo, amahoro n’ubwuzu biharangwa. Umushyitsi usohotse mu rugo yumvise yakiriwe neza ahora yibuka umutima mwiza yasanze, kuruta ibikoresho yabonye. Niyo mpamvu kudaterwa ipfunwe n’imiterere y’urugo bishobora gufasha imiryango kubaka umubano mwiza no gukomeza umuco nyarwanda wo kwakirana urugwiro.

Mu myaka ya mbere y’urushako, abashakanye benshi baba bafite ibyishimo byinshi, ariko uko imyaka ishira bamwe batangira guhura n’ibibazo bituma bamwe bafata icyemezo cyo gutandukana. Abasesenguzi b’imibanire bavuga ko hafi y’imyaka itanu ishobora kuba igihe gikomeye kuko ari bwo ibibazo byari byihishe bitangira kugaragara.

Iyo abantu bamaze igihe gito bashakanye, akenshi baba bakiri mu cyiciro cyo kumenyera ubuzima bushya, bafite urukundo rwinshi n’icyizere cy’ejo hazaza. Ariko nyuma y’imyaka runaka, cyane cyane hagati y’imyaka 3 na 7, hari abashakanye batangira kubona itandukaniro hagati y’ibyo batekerezaga mbere yo gushyingirwa n’ubuzima nyabwo babayemo.

1. Gutakaza umwanya wo kwita ku rukundo

Mu ntangiriro z’urushako, abantu benshi bashyira imbaraga mu gushimisha uwo bashakanye. Ariko nyuma y’imyaka mike, akazi, abana, inshingano zo mu rugo n’ibibazo by’ubuzima bishobora gutuma urukundo rudahabwa umwanya nk’uko byahoze.

Bamwe batangira kumva ko babaye nk’ababanana gusa aho kuba abakundana.

2. Ibibazo by’amafaranga

Amafaranga ni imwe mu mpamvu zikomeye zitera amakimbirane mu ngo nyinshi.

Nyuma y’imyaka mike, abashakanye bashobora guhura n’ibibazo nk’imyenda, kutumvikana ku micungire y’amafaranga, umwe yumva ko undi adatanga umusanzu uhagije cyangwa bafite intego zitandukanye ku bijyanye n’ubutunzi.

Iyo ibi bibazo bitaganiriweho neza, bishobora kubangamira cyane umubano.

3. Itandukaniro riba rigaragara nyuma yo kubana

Hari abantu bashobora kumarana igihe cyo gukundana batabonye neza imico yose y’uwo bashaka kubana na we.

Nyuma yo kubana imyaka mike, umuntu ashobora gutangira kubona imyitwarire atari azi mbere: uburyo mugenzi we akemura amakimbirane, uko afata inshingano, uko yitwara ku muryango cyangwa ku kazi.

Ibi bishobora gutuma bamwe bumva baribeshye mu guhitamo.

4. Ibibazo byo kubyara no kurera abana

Mu myaka ya mbere y’urushako, imiryango myinshi iba itangiye kubona abana. Nubwo abana ari umugisha ku miryango myinshi, bashobora no kuzana impinduka zikomeye.

Kubura ibitotsi, umunaniro, kugabana inshingano zo kurera abana no kutumvikana ku buryo bwo kubarera bishobora guteza umwuka mubi mu rugo.

5. Kutaganira neza

Abashakanye benshi ntibatandukana kubera ikibazo kimwe gikomeye, ahubwo kubera ibibazo bito byagiye byiyongera kubera kutaganira.

Iyo umwe atangira kubika inzika, kutavuga ibimubabaza cyangwa kumva ko atitabwaho, intera hagati yabo ishobora kwiyongera.

6. Kugereranya urushako n’abandi

Imbuga nkoranyambaga nazo zishobora kugira uruhare mu gutuma bamwe batishimira urugo rwabo.

Iyo umuntu ahora abona abandi bagaragaza ubuzima bwiza, impano n’urukundo kuri internet, ashobora gutangira kumva ko urushako rwe rudahagije, nubwo ibyo abona bitaba byuzuye ukuri.

7. Kugabanuka kw’icyizere cyangwa ubuhemu

Iyo icyizere hagati y’abashakanye gisenyutse kubera kubeshyana, ubuhemu cyangwa indi myitwarire ibabaza, kongera kubaka uwo mubano bishobora kuba bigoye.

Bamwe bahitamo gutandukana aho gukomeza kubana mu makimbirane adashira.

Ese imyaka itanu ni yo itera gutandukana?

Oya. Imyaka itanu ubwayo si yo itera gutandukana, ahubwo ni igihe benshi baba batangiye guhura n’ibizamini by’ubuzima busanzwe nyuma y’icyiciro cy’ubukwe n’ibyishimo byo gutangira urugo.

Abahanga mu mibanire bavuga ko ingo ziramba ari izo abantu bombi bakomeza kwiga kumva mugenzi wabo, kuganira ku bibazo hakiri kare no gushyira imbaraga mu kubaka umubano.

Mu by’ukuri, urushako ntiruramba kubera ko abantu batagira ibibazo, ahubwo ruramba iyo bafite ubushobozi bwo kubikemura hamwe.